My Subconscious Hates Golf

Bittersweet is the best way I can describecard), even a vague notion of what birdies and pars
witnessing someone else's hole-in-one. Today, whenare. But a Hole-in-one is so foreign to my mind, I fear
out repairing my testosterone leak, I witnessed myI will be in my nineties before my subconscious
friend Dudley hit one of the ugliest 8 irons in thecatches on.
history of golf; on #11 of Stone Fairways, a 148I was told some time ago by a Tony Robbins disciple,
yard, par 3. The ball came out low and left to a farthat in order to pre-program your subconscious, you
right pin. It hit the very edge of the green andneed to write down your goal in a positive form.
bounced right (it is Stone Fairways after all), checkedWell, in my wallet is a tattered little yellow
up and rolled all the way across the green and fellposted-note. On it are scribbled the words "I WILL
into the hole.hit a hole-in-one". After 10 years of toting around this
Don't get me wrong I'm genuinely excited for Dudley.tiny little paper my desire to get hole-in-one and the
I slapped him around a bit, to get him out of hisother thing written on the note; "I WILL win the
catatonic state. Got him in the cart, drove him to theLotto Jackpot" go unfulfilled.
green, and led him by the hand to pin, to pluck theAdmittedly I have slightly lessened my odds of
ball from the cup. Made sure he kept the ballwinning the jackpot by not buying lotto tickets, but I
separate from all the less mystical balls, and proudlyplay a fair amount of golf and there have been
toasted him on the 19th hole.plenty of opportunities for the magic to happen.
Still the whole time thinking; I really, REALLY want aAt this point I've consciously done everything
hole-in-one myself.possible to make a hole-in-one a reality.
It one of those things most golfers want to do atWhile everyone in the clubhouse was drinking
least once in their life. I don't obsess over it, but it'sDudley's credit card dry, I asked him what IS the
been on my list for a while and it just ain't happening.secret to accomplishing this heroic feat. Did he
I have always believed that if you have a goal, evenvisualize the moment, get hypnotized, Check his
with out a concrete plan, the subconscious willastrology chart and wait till the planets align, pray to
somehow figure out how to get there. Now most ofthe golf gods... what was it he did to make the
the time this works pretty good for me, butseemingly impossible, possible!?
apparently my subconscious has no concept of whatHe didn't say anything, with a smile on his face, pulled
a hole-in-one is, or how to achieve it. Not a clue.his wallet out and inside was a little yellow
My subconscious is absolutely crystal clear on whatposted-note, on it were written the words "I WILL
bogeys and double-bogeys are, has an intimatehit a Hole-in-One".
knowledge of what a "Snowman" is (that's an 8 forMy subconscious and I are no longer on speaking
those of you who only see low numbers on youterms.