| "And when they came nigh to Jerusalem, unto | | | | blowing it out of bounds. |
| Bethpage Black, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus | | | | |
| sent forth two of his disciples." (Mark 11:1 | | | | In the 1990's golf club manufacturers began |
| K.J.V.) "Verily I say unto you, that | | | | to make the driver shafts 2 and 3 inches |
| whosoever shall have great length on Earth | | | | longer, 45" and 46". They marketed the fact |
| shall have unheard of length in Heaven", said | | | | that these golf clubs hit the ball further |
| Jesus to his disciples. And so the quest for | | | | and golfers did not care if their 300 yard |
| great length off the tee began. | | | | drive flew two fairways over - that made the |
| | | | drive seem even longer. Ladies drivers went |
| Every golfer is searching for the secret to | | | | from the standard 42.5 inches used by Mary |
| golf. The secret is that there is a secret to | | | | Magdalene and Kathy Whitworth to 44" and 45". |
| golf, and you are about to learn it. Everyone | | | | As Nike Golf made millions selling 45" |
| knows that money is the root of all evil. | | | | drivers, Tiger Woods continued to play with |
| Jesus commanded everyone to sell all of their | | | | 43" steel shafted Nike drivers, and Tiger |
| possessions and to give all of the money to | | | | continued to lead in driving distance and |
| the poor. Are there any Christians on Earth | | | | piled up major after major playing against |
| today? When Jesus entered the Temple in | | | | Pros who had switched to the 45" driver |
| Jerusalem he "began to cast out them that | | | | trying to match Tiger's distance. Augusta |
| sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew | | | | National lengthened their golf course after |
| the tables of the moneychangers, and the | | | | Tiger won the Masters at 18 under. Jack |
| seats of them that sold doves, and he said, | | | | Nicklaus and Slammin' Sammy Snead hit the |
| 'Is it not written, My House shall be called | | | | ball 300 yards right down the middle using |
| of all nations the House of Prayer? But ye | | | | 43" steel shafts with persimmon tree heads. |
| have made it a den of thieves.'" (Mark | | | | The whole time that Tiger was on his major |
| 11:15-17). | | | | rampage, Nike Golf refused to make drivers |
| | | | with 43" shafts available to the public. |
| During the time of Christ, golfers used | | | | |
| wooden golf balls and wooden golf clubs made | | | | Billions of dollars of advertising have gone |
| from the hickory tree. Then, in the early | | | | into convincing the public that 45" and 46" |
| 1600's, the featherie golf ball was invented. | | | | drivers are the next best thing to the |
| The featherie golf ball was a hand sewn | | | | arrival of Jesus Christ. Taylor Made and |
| cowhide bag stuffed with goose feathers and | | | | Titleist and Callaway and Nike Golf are |
| painted. Because it flew so beautifully, it | | | | making fortunes selling these too long |
| lasted for 200 years. In 1848 Reverend Doctor | | | | shafts, and the PGA of America couldn't be |
| Robert Adams hardened the sap of the gutta | | | | happier. Their 32,000 golf professionals are |
| percha tree into latex and invented the gutta | | | | making a fortune teaching golfers how to hit |
| percha golf ball, which replaced the | | | | their too long woods and irons - a feat |
| featehrie golf ball from 1850 until 1900, | | | | impossible for the average golfer, which |
| when rubber took over. The rubber balls | | | | leads to endless lessons and purchases of |
| lasted until 1930. Today's balls have a | | | | golf books and golf magazines filled with |
| titanium metal core with many layers of | | | | golf tips and videos and CD's and golf swing |
| surlyn and balata coverings. Golf club shafts | | | | training accessories. Suddenly, along comes |
| evolved from hickory tree wood with persimmon | | | | Peter Kessler hawking the Perfect Club, |
| tree heads to steel shafts and now to | | | | because it goes straight, but the Perfect |
| graphite shafts with very large titanium | | | | Driver loses about 75 yards in distance |
| heads. Despite the incredible advances in | | | | because get this, the shaft is 42 ½ |
| golf club and golf ball technology, the | | | | inches. The ½ inch decrease costs the |
| handicaps of male and female golfers have not | | | | golfer a ton of yardage. |
| gone down, according to noted author and | | | | |
| custom club fitter Steven Passarell. How | | | | The first big golf company coming out with a |
| could this be? Here is the answer. | | | | graphite shafted 43" driver with a titanium |
| | | | head, with the new Prov1x golf ball, is going |
| Famed Psychiatrist and 9 Handicap Sigmund | | | | to wipe out the rest of the other golf club |
| Freud explained the human ego: "The human ego | | | | manufacturers, and bring the average handicap |
| is the part of the cerebellum concerned most | | | | down by 8 shots, because there is no loss of |
| with feeling like a great human being. In | | | | distance, and the ball goes dead straight. In |
| many cases of over developed cerebelli, the | | | | the meantime men cut your shaft down to 43" |
| human being begins to believe that in a prior | | | | and ladies cut your shafts down to 42.5 |
| life, he was the Messiah Jesus Christ, or | | | | inches. There will be no loss in accuracy or |
| Napoleon Bonaparte, as a defense mechanism to | | | | distance. Until then, choke up on your driver |
| the haranguing of over critical parents and | | | | 2'' and watch the ball fly long and straight |
| the resulting wounded ego." (Austrian Journal | | | | off that big sweet spot time after time |
| of Medicine Volume XXIV, page 69). Golf club | | | | again. Shaving 8 shots off your score |
| and golf ball manufacturers have known | | | | instantaneously should be a good thing for |
| forever that the most important thing to the | | | | your ego and your bank account. This will |
| male and female golfer, the cure for an ego | | | | also speed up pace of play, David Fay. Hasn't |
| wounded in childhood is distance off the tee. | | | | your ego suffered enough humiliation hunting |
| | | | for your $5 golf ball in the trees yet? In |
| According to Stephen Hawking, the world's | | | | our next installment we will discuss how your |
| greatest scientist, the Earth is 5 billion | | | | golf club manufacturers silently de-lofted |
| years old. A mere 2,500 years ago in Gehenna, | | | | all of your club heads turning your 9 iron |
| just south of Jerusalem, in the valley of | | | | into a 7 iron to make you think that you are |
| Gehinnom, the Jewish and non Jewish people of | | | | hitting your shaft lengthened de-lofted 9 |
| the land of Canaan used to sacrifice their | | | | iron farther. Didn't Jack use his towering |
| first born male children on fire altars to | | | | ball flight to hold the greens at Augusta? |
| the God Baal aka Beelzebub aka Satan. The | | | | The pros have their clubs custom made. You |
| drummers beat their drums loudly to drown out | | | | aren't using the same clubs they are. Only |
| the screams of the burning alive babies. Golf | | | | the label is the same. |
| club and golf ball manufacturers have known | | | | |
| forever that golfers were perfectly willing | | | | Speaking of Jesus, the X factor golf swing |
| to sacrifice accuracy and $500 for added | | | | has been heralded as a way to improve your |
| distance off the tee. Their first clue was | | | | distance. It means that you keep your left |
| when golfers in the long drive competition | | | | heel down, make a tiny hip turn and a big |
| would throw down their driver after their | | | | shoulder turn to hit the ball farther. A |
| massive hit, and beat their chests with both | | | | noted former PGA tour player turned |
| fists, like the apes with which humans have | | | | orthopedic surgeon, Bill Mallon, M.D., calls |
| 99% the same DNA. | | | | this the fastest way to blow out your back |
| | | | and wind up in excruciating life long pain, |
| From the time of Jesus Christ until the time | | | | in his book, "The Golf Doctor: How to Play a |
| of Jack Nicklaus, scientists knew that the | | | | Better Healthier Round of Golf". Didn't Jack |
| exactly perfect length for the men's driver | | | | do OK letting his left heel come 2" off the |
| was 43". It didn't matter how tall you were | | | | ground? The surgeon recommends letting it |
| because God gave taller players longer arms. | | | | come up even farther to save your back. Harry |
| Every golf club manufacturer from the time of | | | | Vardon's came up about 5 inches. Jesus |
| Jesus until the time of Jack knew that if you | | | | recommended three. There is no need to |
| made the driver shaft even 1/8 of an inch | | | | sacrifice your back in your quest for added |
| longer, the golfer would hit into the ground, | | | | length off the tee. Try a longer driver, or a |
| and in an effort not to hit into the ground, | | | | new golf psychologist. The only people not |
| the golfer would make swing changes and then | | | | benefiting from these long shafts are the |
| begin to spray the ball all over the park. | | | | golfers. Everyone else, the whole golf |
| This is why at long driving contests the | | | | industry, is laughing all the way to the |
| fairway is the width of a football field and | | | | bank. |
| the golfers with their long shafts are still | | | | |