Improve your golf game


The Secret to Golf Length

"And when they came nigh to Jerusalem, untoblowing  it  out  of  bounds.
Bethpage Black, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus
sent forth two of his disciples." (Mark 11:1In the 1990's golf club manufacturers began
K.J.V.) "Verily I say unto you, thatto make the driver shafts 2 and 3 inches
whosoever shall have great length on Earthlonger, 45" and 46". They marketed the fact
shall have unheard of length in Heaven", saidthat these golf clubs hit the ball further
Jesus to his disciples. And so the quest forand golfers did not care if their 300 yard
great  length  off  the  tee  began.drive flew two fairways over - that made the
drive seem even longer. Ladies drivers went
Every golfer is searching for the secret tofrom the standard 42.5 inches used by Mary
golf. The secret is that there is a secret toMagdalene and Kathy Whitworth to 44" and 45".
golf, and you are about to learn it. EveryoneAs Nike Golf made millions selling 45"
knows that money is the root of all evil.drivers, Tiger Woods continued to play with
Jesus commanded everyone to sell all of their43" steel shafted Nike drivers, and Tiger
possessions and to give all of the money tocontinued to lead in driving distance and
the poor. Are there any Christians on Earthpiled up major after major playing against
today? When Jesus entered the Temple inPros who had switched to the 45" driver
Jerusalem he "began to cast out them thattrying to match Tiger's distance. Augusta
sold and bought in the temple, and overthrewNational lengthened their golf course after
the tables of the moneychangers, and theTiger won the Masters at 18 under. Jack
seats of them that sold doves, and he said,Nicklaus and Slammin' Sammy Snead hit the
'Is it not written, My House shall be calledball 300 yards right down the middle using
of all nations the House of Prayer? But ye43" steel shafts with persimmon tree heads.
have made it a den of thieves.'" (MarkThe whole time that Tiger was on his major
11:15-17).rampage, Nike Golf refused to make drivers
with  43"  shafts  available  to  the public.
During the time of Christ, golfers used
wooden golf balls and wooden golf clubs madeBillions of dollars of advertising have gone
from the hickory tree. Then, in the earlyinto convincing the public that 45" and 46"
1600's, the featherie golf ball was invented.drivers are the next best thing to the
The featherie golf ball was a hand sewnarrival of Jesus Christ. Taylor Made and
cowhide bag stuffed with goose feathers andTitleist and Callaway and Nike Golf are
painted. Because it flew so beautifully, itmaking fortunes selling these too long
lasted for 200 years. In 1848 Reverend Doctorshafts, and the PGA of America couldn't be
Robert Adams hardened the sap of the guttahappier. Their 32,000 golf professionals are
percha tree into latex and invented the guttamaking a fortune teaching golfers how to hit
percha golf ball, which replaced thetheir too long woods and irons - a feat
featehrie golf ball from 1850 until 1900,impossible for the average golfer, which
when rubber took over. The rubber ballsleads to endless lessons and purchases of
lasted until 1930. Today's balls have agolf books and golf magazines filled with
titanium metal core with many layers ofgolf tips and videos and CD's and golf swing
surlyn and balata coverings. Golf club shaftstraining accessories. Suddenly, along comes
evolved from hickory tree wood with persimmonPeter Kessler hawking the Perfect Club,
tree heads to steel shafts and now tobecause it goes straight, but the Perfect
graphite shafts with very large titaniumDriver loses about 75 yards in distance
heads. Despite the incredible advances inbecause get this, the shaft is 42 ½
golf club and golf ball technology, theinches. The ½ inch decrease costs the
handicaps of male and female golfers have notgolfer  a  ton  of  yardage.
gone down, according to noted author and
custom club fitter Steven Passarell. HowThe first big golf company coming out with a
could  this  be?  Here  is  the  answer.graphite shafted 43" driver with a titanium
head, with the new Prov1x golf ball, is going
Famed Psychiatrist and 9 Handicap Sigmundto wipe out the rest of the other golf club
Freud explained the human ego: "The human egomanufacturers, and bring the average handicap
is the part of the cerebellum concerned mostdown by 8 shots, because there is no loss of
with feeling like a great human being. Indistance, and the ball goes dead straight. In
many cases of over developed cerebelli, thethe meantime men cut your shaft down to 43"
human being begins to believe that in a priorand ladies cut your shafts down to 42.5
life, he was the Messiah Jesus Christ, orinches. There will be no loss in accuracy or
Napoleon Bonaparte, as a defense mechanism todistance. Until then, choke up on your driver
the haranguing of over critical parents and2'' and watch the ball fly long and straight
the resulting wounded ego." (Austrian Journaloff that big sweet spot time after time
of Medicine Volume XXIV, page 69). Golf clubagain. Shaving 8 shots off your score
and golf ball manufacturers have knowninstantaneously should be a good thing for
forever that the most important thing to theyour ego and your bank account. This will
male and female golfer, the cure for an egoalso speed up pace of play, David Fay. Hasn't
wounded in childhood is distance off the tee.your ego suffered enough humiliation hunting
for your $5 golf ball in the trees yet? In
According to Stephen Hawking, the world'sour next installment we will discuss how your
greatest scientist, the Earth is 5 billiongolf club manufacturers silently de-lofted
years old. A mere 2,500 years ago in Gehenna,all of your club heads turning your 9 iron
just south of Jerusalem, in the valley ofinto a 7 iron to make you think that you are
Gehinnom, the Jewish and non Jewish people ofhitting your shaft lengthened de-lofted 9
the land of Canaan used to sacrifice theiriron farther. Didn't Jack use his towering
first born male children on fire altars toball flight to hold the greens at Augusta?
the God Baal aka Beelzebub aka Satan. TheThe pros have their clubs custom made. You
drummers beat their drums loudly to drown outaren't using the same clubs they are. Only
the screams of the burning alive babies. Golfthe  label  is  the  same.
club and golf ball manufacturers have known
forever that golfers were perfectly willingSpeaking of Jesus, the X factor golf swing
to sacrifice accuracy and $500 for addedhas been heralded as a way to improve your
distance off the tee. Their first clue wasdistance. It means that you keep your left
when golfers in the long drive competitionheel down, make a tiny hip turn and a big
would throw down their driver after theirshoulder turn to hit the ball farther. A
massive hit, and beat their chests with bothnoted former PGA tour player turned
fists, like the apes with which humans haveorthopedic surgeon, Bill Mallon, M.D., calls
99%  the  same  DNA.this the fastest way to blow out your back
and wind up in excruciating life long pain,
From the time of Jesus Christ until the timein his book, "The Golf Doctor: How to Play a
of Jack Nicklaus, scientists knew that theBetter Healthier Round of Golf". Didn't Jack
exactly perfect length for the men's driverdo OK letting his left heel come 2" off the
was 43". It didn't matter how tall you wereground? The surgeon recommends letting it
because God gave taller players longer arms.come up even farther to save your back. Harry
Every golf club manufacturer from the time ofVardon's came up about 5 inches. Jesus
Jesus until the time of Jack knew that if yourecommended three. There is no need to
made the driver shaft even 1/8 of an inchsacrifice your back in your quest for added
longer, the golfer would hit into the ground,length off the tee. Try a longer driver, or a
and in an effort not to hit into the ground,new golf psychologist. The only people not
the golfer would make swing changes and thenbenefiting from these long shafts are the
begin to spray the ball all over the park.golfers. Everyone else, the whole golf
This is why at long driving contests theindustry, is laughing all the way to the
fairway is the width of a football field andbank.
the golfers with their long shafts are still



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